“I have to make changes this year, Amy,” Troy began. “I know that I’ve been hanging on to my grief and not letting it pass through, or move on, or transform, or whatever. I know if I keep living this way my life will continue to shrink and soon. My wife was everything to me, but I just can’t live like this anymore. I have to change.”
“Do you have an idea where you’d like to start?” I gently asked.
“I already started. I sold my house, donated all the big things, and put a few personal boxes in storage. I bought a camper van and I’m headed out to explore the US. I’ve always wanted to do that.”
“Wait, what?” I asked, startled. “We talked about not taking huge steps; these sound like big, life-altering choices Troy.”
“I know,” he said. “That’s what my kids, grandkids and friends all said. They are actually really mad at me. Some of them are no longer speaking to me.”
“I am making no progress. It’s time for me to quit counseling.” Tina looked at me dejectedly and sighed.
“What do you mean?” I asked, confused. Over the past year Tina had lost 65 pounds, started a daily exercise routine, been taken off her cholesterol medication, dumped an unhealthy partner, and started remodeling her house using YouTube videos.
“Tina, your friends and family all say you are their model for how to make and sustain healthy changes! What happened?”
“I just have so far to go,” Tina shared with tears rolling down her face.
“I want to lose a little more weight, I still have the goal of running a 10K, I haven’t found a healthy partner and my house is a disaster. I’m a mess.”
The new year can bring out the extremes in people. For some, it feels like a fresh start and a chance to begin anew. For others, it’s a reminder of unaccomplished goals and unrealized dreams. So what are some questions to ask yourself to create positive, healthy, sustainable change?
1) Why do I want to change?
2) What is a realistic goal that I am able to commit to in the long term?
3) How can I break down the goal into small, measurable steps?
4) What are my resources to help hold me accountable?
5) How will I track my progress, adjust as needed, and reward myself?
Tina and I talked through where she started, the slow and steady progress she made, and where she is now a year later with her goals. We adjusted her 2024 goals, and added in working on her self-esteem and self-concept. With Troy it was time to do damage control, as his recent changes hurt both himself and the people around him. He immediately set up times to talk with his closest family and friends, and began the process of repairing his relationships. Additionally, he made professional appointments with his financial advisor and lawyer to understand and work through his short and long-term financial and estate goals.
What is something you’ve been wanting to change in your life? Take the time to put together a thoughtful plan so, in December 2024, you are feeling accomplished and ready for your next challenge!
I’d love to hear from you about your experiences at amy@peaktopeakcounseling.com, 303-258-7454, and you can always find past articles at www.peaktopeakcounseling.com or find us at www.facebook.com/peaktopeakcounselingservices.
