How do I sum up over thirty years of motherhood? Where do I begin? I mean, it’s not like it’s over. Some would say it’s just beginning, as the last one graduates and takes off to start a life of his own.
However, words that come to mind include anxiety, sadness, grief, loneliness, confusion and depression. And then… deep breath… my realization that this isn’t “it,” as in the moment we’ve all been preparing for. This is the beginning of a new life (for all of us). It’s a new adventure. There is so much anticipation and excitement for my son to begin his new life, and so much to look forward to.
I mean, I can travel now. Well, a little ways, because I’ve never been able to save enough to really travel. But that can happen too. With one fewer person to grocery shop for, maybe I can tuck away that chunk of change for little road trips around Colorado (like visiting my daughter in Greeley). Maybe even head up to visit my other daughter in Wyoming. And what about Washington state? My older son lives there, with his amazing wife and dogs. And my parents and sister all live near each other in California. Perhaps a small trip to see them.
It’s hard to imagine my life without the constant shuffle of finding that tie the kid needs for his Loquations outfit. Or locating his backpack, cuz it could be in any one of the cars and he needs it right now. But, last night at the White Rose Ceremony, Hayden reminded me he will still call me whenever he has a question. He assured me that it will still be “at least 15 times a day.”
The photos I have here are about 15 of his 18 years of growing up. My favorite, when he used to climb into the newspaper box and ”hide” in plain sight. He must have been about three. And one from last night, after the White Rose Ceremony. This kid, my last, my heart, my happiness (with all of my kids included in that, because y’all are my life). May Hayden do amazing things and go to incredible places. And take wild adventures. And come see me when you can.
Love you Hayden!
Love,
Mom
