A place for play: The photographer’s elementary school in Michigan, now full of top-of-the-line play equipment![/caption]
“I’m here because I’m always bullied at school,” Misty shared. She’s sitting on the floor in our play therapy room, having pulled out two small figurines from our shelves. The taller, older looking girl was repeatedly hitting the smaller, younger girl.
“Has this been going on for a while?” I asked. Misty looked up from her play. “I guess. Ever since we got back after break,” Misty explained.
I knew from a conversation with her parents that Misty routinely came home from school feeling bullied and scared to return. They were working with teachers and administrators. However, Misty continued to report problems.
“We used to be best friends,” Misty quietly shared. At this point her play shifted, and the two figurines were each playing by themselves, facing away from each other. “Really?” I said, surprised at Misty’s revelation.
“Sure,” she said. “We lived on the same street and we used to visit each other all of the time. Susan’s house had the coolest view, and mine had the best snacks. My dad is the best at snacks.”
“What happened?” I wondered, out loud. “Oh, you know. Her parents split up, her dad went to live with some other lady, and she had to move into her grandma’s house.”
“That sounds really sad,” I commented and pulled down a bunny puppet, one of Misty’s favorites.
Misty said, “I guess. I don’t know. She stopped talking to me. She missed a bunch of school, and then came back looking all weird.”
“What do you mean weird?” I asked. By this point Misty had taken the bunny puppet, and was petting its nose. “She used to wear dresses and stuff and her mom did her hair all pretty. But when she came back she was wearing her dad’s old t-shirts with holes, and her hair was in her eyes. She would be really loud in class, and the teacher had to keep asking her if she was ok. I tried to help her; I really did.”
“Misty, can you show me how you tried to help?” I prompted. Misty took the two figurines and tried to brush the older-looking one’s hair, giving her cheese and crackers, offering to get on the see-saw, and helping her organize her desk.
“And how did she react, when you did all these nice things?” I asked. Misty started throwing all the toys around the playroom—hair brush, food, playground equipment, and desk went flying.
The bunny, Misty and I went to hide in a corner, away from the taller figurine. “So scared,” the bunny (I) said.
“So scared,” Misty repeated. She began to suck her thumb and pet the bunny again.
The Boys and Girls Clubs of America’s Youth Right Now 2023 Survey reports 40% of youth aged 9-18 years old said they were bullied on school property in the past year and of those, 38% said they did not tell an adult.
Fortunately in Misty’s situation, she was talking to all the adults in her life. Depending on the age, developmental stage, and particular situation, it can be best to work with the child to develop empowerment strategies. However with Misty, it was time for me to brainstorm some potential solutions with her parents.
Originally the parents had all been friends, including annual summer camping trips, so Misty’s parents felt comfortable reaching out to Susan’s parents. The idea was to simply connect, mom to mom and dad to dad, over a cup of coffee or a beer. It turned out Susan’s parents were desperate for connection, and the time spent with each of Misty’s parents was very supportive for all four of them.
The parent conversations sparked Susan’s parents to begin finding resources to help not only Susan, but themselves as well. Local human services, such as the food pantry and clothing closet, elementary school counseling services, mentoring support through a local church, and regular family dinners at Misty’s house with Susan and one of her parents, became the norm.
A few months down the road I checked in with Misty and she was thrilled to report she had her friend back. “She still gets mad and has to ask for grownup help, but she doesn’t hurt me anymore,” Misty reported. The two figurines were now playing together on the seesaw, as the bunny sat overseeing everything.
One benefit of living in a small community is that sometimes we can attempt more creative solutions to support our own families, and the families around us. Rural research shows that the more space between our homes, the more connected we are as a community.
Who around you might need some extra support this month? Let’s all take some time to reach out to someone in our own lives and see the impact in our community.
I’d love to hear about your experiences at amy@peaktopeakcounseling.com, 303-258-7454, and you can always find past articles at www.peaktopeakcounseling.com or find us at www.facebook.com/peaktopeakcounselingservices.
